How to Deal with Loneliness

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“The reason you suffer from empty moments is because you are not playing inside the garden of your heart with your heart’s child, the soul. “ — Sri Chinmoy

The Truth About Loneliness

Sri Chinmoy’s essay, “Empty Moments,” is about the sensation of loneliness and those feelings of emptiness we’ve all experienced at one time or another in our life. This essay asserts that such feelings have nothing to do with outer circumstance; loneliness does not arise because we lack friends or intimate relationships; the sensation of emptiness is not caused by having nothing meaningful to do. The origin of these feelings, according to Sri Chinmoy, lies in a spiritual cause, a failure to know ourselves deeply.

On first reading, I must admit I found these assertions baffling. If loneliness wasn’t a result of being alone and if emptiness wasn’t caused by a lack of meaningful activities, then what was the cause?

I had always assumed the solution to any problem was to make changes in my external life – find new friends or reconnect with old ones, for instance. To me, the solution to feelings of emptiness was a ‘no-brainer’ – get busy! Take a class, get a hobby or volunteer for something, anything.

It was only after taking up meditation that I gained some insight into what Sri Chinmoy was saying. Gradually, I came to understand that even in situations where outer change is necessary, ultimately all meaningful transformation comes from within.

The solution is not more money, more friends, or more things to do. These are all good and necessary elements of life, but to get to the root of our deficiencies, we need to look within and discover the person we really are. This is the change that matters most.

The Problem and the Solution to Loneliness

Feelings of loneliness and emptiness are warning signs that we need to pay more attention to our inner life. They may very well be present because we are paying too much attention to our external life.

Sri Chinmoy tells us that loneliness and emptiness arise because our thoughts and actions have drifted away from the light of our soul. The beautiful phrase he uses is, “we’re no longer playing with our soul-child.” It is by playing with our soul-child that we remain inside its love-light. In the soul’s light, we are constantly refreshed with new energies and the insights we need to remain in harmony with others. From this perspective, it’s easy to see how friends and activities, of themselves, cannot solve the deeper problem of loneliness and emptiness.

If we can meditate every day, play with our soul-child each and every day, our life will never be empty. But who prevents this soulful play? It is the ego working through the mind and the body’s vital nature. The ego is too selfish, the mind too proud and the vital too restless to want to play with the soul. They are small and limited creatures; the soul is vast and joyful, eternally content.

If we can cause the ego, mind and vital nature to sit with the soul once or twice a day, they too can gradually become vast, our life will become vast, able to embrace all things and there will never be an empty moment. Whole and complete within yourself, every breath will bring the fullness of life to you. You will see that you are not empty and can never be alone; all is within you. This is the vision-light of the soul.

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